‘Nonanswers’: What query are you most afraid to reply?

Impressed by the questions we ask in every day dialog however by no means discover a joyful conclusion for, Nonanswers explores the sentiments, confusions and tribulations of Stanford college students. Each essay on this column will probably be centered round a well timed query, and will probably be structured round private experiences, conversations and tales from my time on campus. Be at liberty to submit a query for me to dissect, or ship me a solution (or nonanswer) for one which I ask.

The theme of this column is questions: ones that lack a satisfying reply, that make you suppose, and that I’ve spent a very long time serious about. It’s typically arduous for me to consider a becoming query to give attention to. I need it to be well timed and relatable, one thing that Stanford college students will wish to examine and discover. Throughout weeks like this one, when I’ve three unstarted p-sets due, a midterm I haven’t studied for, and completely zero work ethic left, inspiration is difficult to search out. I pull up the questions from the sport We’re Not Actually Strangers, as a result of certainly one of my targets for this column is to make campus really feel smaller and remind those who they’re not alone. Nonetheless, nothing is putting a nerve. Then, mockingly, I land on a success:

What query are you most afraid to reply?

I used to have quite a lot of these. In elementary faculty, I used to be always anxious that I might be requested to current in entrance of the category or share my reply out loud — I used to be afraid to reply any query in any respect. I wasn’t shy with my mates, however being the focus terrified me, and I saved myself small out of the worry of being referred to as on and answering mistaken. I feel I’ve outgrown that worry, as a result of someplace alongside the way in which I spotted that oftentimes, I’m not mistaken. Even when I’m, sharing a solution may be gratifying, particularly when it results in new conversations and deeper insights.

In center faculty, I used to be most afraid to reply questions on my id. What sort of meals do you eat at residence? Are you able to converse Chinese language? Why does your dad sound like that? I got here from a faculty district that was two p.c Asian, so I usually discovered it a blurry line, whether or not my friends had been genuinely curious and simply ignorant, or being merciless on goal. I may deal with being requested to verify or deny widespread stereotypes; though I shouldn’t have needed to be the spokesperson for all Asian folks ever, and though I dreaded being turned to for that goal, it didn’t really feel like a private assault. 

The questions that actually scared me, those that left me upset for the remainder of the day, had been those about my household. When folks would ask about my mother and pa, urgent me about whether or not they had been “strict tiger dad and mom” or the place their accents had been from, I might instinctively shrink. My physique would go into defensive mode: I might vehemently deny any cultural variations. Considering again on it, all the questions I obtained had easy solutions, however they had been arduous to seek for, as a result of I didn’t wish to face them.

Fortunately, I’ve outgrown this worry too. I’m pleased with my household and joyful to share about my heritage. Being at Stanford and surrounded by many different Asian Individuals, I additionally don’t get these questions anymore. After I take into consideration myself now and the solutions I’m scared to confront, the worry that I take care of is each the identical and completely different.

It’s nonetheless the worry of being checked out with a humorous face, of feeling small and dropping my spot of comfortability inside a gaggle. After I was first assembly different freshmen at NSO, small speak was simple, and I knew folks would neglect my title, hometown and main as quickly as they moved to somebody new. However because the 12 months progressed and our conversations within the dorm hallways prolonged later and later into the evening, my mates and I’ve more and more discovered ourselves within the hazard zone of question-asking: If I reply truthfully and present this a part of me, you’ll bear in mind it perpetually. 

Private experiences. Opinions of polarizing points. Insecurities and deepest secrets and techniques. Loads of questions invite vulnerability, and it’s not at all times simple to belief folks with fragile items of your self. It’s arduous to ask that of somebody and even scarier to reply. However, if you get to know folks like that, and if you belief that your trustworthy reply received’t break your reference to them, I feel these questions are essentially the most rewarding to take an opportunity on.